Lessons Learned - Chapter 1

You have to be completely honest with both sides of the story, if you want people to have an accurate perception of events. It means nothing at all if only half the truth is told. As painful as it is to recount my errors and naivete , my poor judgement and cruelty, full disclosure is paramount to pinpointing where the most devestating missteps occured.

My friends and I joke about how we are going to hell for the things we have done, but they tease me that there is no way I have done anything warranting my one way ticket to hell. I guess it's all relative. But you know what they say : Karma's a bitch. Maybe that explains everything... 

Books and movies have quite thoroughly ruined me, but I believe there is a reason for everything, that all the mini moments in our lives lead up to a climax and conclusion like the plot of a good story. This presumption possibly started me out on the wrong path, making all subsequent  decisions and beliefs a product of faulty logic. But my hopeless idealism won't allow me to give up on the notion that the best is yet to come... I just wish it would get here already.  

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During college I learned a valuable lesson, that I should have made a more active effort to remember as the years went on.

We met Adam at our summer job, and, at first, we hated him. He dressed and spoke like he thought he was some sort of thug - a total poser considering we were all from River Grove.

He was a big hit though with the other guys, so we were forced to be around him pretty frequently. I'm not going to lie - sorry- but he was not attractive. Somehow, over time he grew on all of us. He was funny, and you never knew what he was going to say. And, unlike most, he didn't judge people before he met them.

So before I knew it I found myself actually liking him - as a friend. We talked on the phone, we hung out all the time. And so did the other girls.

And in only a couple weeks I was working on convincing Andrea to agree to go out with him. It was a long, extremely long, process but finally she did. And they dated for a while. But when they broke up, somehow I remained better friends with Adam,  than with Andrea.

I think I knew why even then. I just didn't talk about it. I wouldn't even admit it to myself.  But all the talking, all the happy hours - they eventually got to me. The unthinkable had happened, I liked Adam. So I continued to hang out with him, without Andrea, all but forgetting about her completely.  It wasn't long before I didn't even consider us  to be friends. But that doesn't excuse my actions. There is a girl code. Clearly I didn't care. And I didn't consider the one useful bit of insight into the mind of guys that Adam had been beating into my head since I met him.  Even today I reiterate it to myself : If he's interested, he'll make a move - no exceptions.

Unfortunately for me, it took sometime to realize that making a physical move has nothing to do with being interested in a relationship.  So I went along with the hooking-up. In fact, I more than went along with it, I often instigated it. And  each time the next day came we'd talk like it was nothing and would do the things that any "just - friends" would do. He'd tell me about other girls he liked, he started seeing Andrea again, and still I didn't get the hint. 

I thought the problem was that he didn't know how I felt. (Another thing I'd later learn is that I am an open book) So instead of taking it all as useful life experience, I decide it would be wise to tell him the whole story and let it all hang out. 

Things were never quite the same after that for me. He took it as a bit of shock, but didn't seem to let that effect how we were together. For a while we pretended things would automatically go back to normal. And for him they did, but you tell me what girl can continue to constantly spend time with a guy who doesn't return her feelings, and still thinks hooking up with eachother isn't a problem. Probably can't.

I finally got the message, nothing would change, and the current situation wasn't working for me. So I walked away, and cut Adam out my life completely. I deleted his email, removed him from MySpace (dating myself) and facebook, and deleted his number from my phone. That worked pretty well actually. I gradually forgot about him, the drunk texting - having memorized his number- dwindled and soon enough his name became one that rarely if ever crossed my lips.  

The Lesson: If interested, he'll make the move.

Did I learn it: Probably not.